


What Roommates are For

by Muffinlover246



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Big Brother Sam, Blowjobs, Bottom Castiel, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M, Marriage, Nightmares, Overprotective Gabriel, PTSD, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Porn With Plot, Porn with a lot of Plot, Roommates, Singing, Sleepy Cuddles, Suicide Attempt, Top Dean, Topping from the Bottom, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:58:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffinlover246/pseuds/Muffinlover246
Summary: Castiel sings softly in an attempt to soothe DeanHis breathing begins to slow down and his face and neck relax so Cas keeps goingDean's fists unclench and his feet stop their assault on the invisible assailantDean relaxes completely and Castiel stops singing, he didn't think that would work but it did. He sits down and puts his knees to he chest contemplating what Dean had said,“No, please I promise I’ll be good.”“What happened to you Dean Winchester?” Castiel asks quietly, “What happened...”~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dean and Cas have both just graduated college and are now sharing an apartment together, Dean works at an auto body shop and Castiel is a waiter. Dean has nightmares, and Cas is the only one who can sooth him. Only problem is Dean doesn't know, yet...





	1. Move in Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya guys,
> 
> I wanted to try something new so here it is. Be sure to tell me what you think about it in the comments below it just makes my day reading them.

Inspired by [this](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4c/39/34/4c3934cdda6dfb2b18e02a736be2bad9.jpg)

_3 Days ago _

“Dean?” Gabriel says, “As in Dean Winchester.”

“Yeah...” Castiel says

“As in my boyfriend's little brother?”

“Yeah,” Cas is cleaning tables and looks up when he feels Gabriel's gaze digging into his back. He looks up to meet his eyes that look to be filled with confusion and something that Cas can't put his finger on. “I thought you liked Dean?”

“I do. He's a good kid, But I wouldn't want to live with the guy.” Gabe says, “He's the poster child for being fucked up Cas.”

“How?”

“It isn't my place to tell you but I would advise you to reconsider.” Gabe says sounding torn, “This doesn't have anything to do with your crush on him right?”

“I do not have crush on him” Castiel says defensively, “I keep telling you that, why don't you believe me.”

“Because you're lying.”

Of course Cas had a crush on Dean but he'd be dammed it he let anyone else know it, especially Dean.

Don't let your emotions get in the way of seeing what's right in front of you.” Gabe says, “If anything happens, and I mean anything Cas, I want you to call me immediately.”

“Gabriel I am a 22 year old man and I can take care of myself,” Castiel says standing his ground, “Nothing is going to happen and when Dean and I feel that we shouldn't be roommates anymore we'll both go our separate ways. Until then I’m moving in in three weeks with my friend Dean”

Gabe takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose, “I didn't mean to upset you. Just, just be careful okay?” Gabe says,

“When am I not careful.”

Gabriel shoots him a look that has 'really?' written all over it.

_ Present Day _

“Well Cas,” Dean says as he drapes an arm around the other man's shoulder, “We have successfully moved in with minimal casualties.” Castiel checks the clock that reads 6:32 and is pleased to see that they have managed to complete everything in under 5 hours.

“You broke my favorite lamp Dean,” Castiel says, “Now the living room will be in darkness until we can muster up enough money to buy a new one.”

“We can just turn the TV on if you're that afraid of the dark.” Dean says as he walks over to the kitchen to get two beers from the fridge, “You can't say you don't love the place though”

“No, I can't,” Castiel says taking the beer from Dean and follows him to the couch.

Cas really did love the apartment, even though they just moved in it had a homey feel to it. There were two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen/dining area. The place was the perfect size for the two of them with enough room to have people over if they ever felt the need to.

“I'm hungry,” Dean whines

“Well if you didn’t waste you’re last few bucks on candy and beer we could afford to go to the grocery store and get some actual food,” Castiel says, “But you just had to have your gummy bears”

“I regret nothing.” Dean says prideful, of what, Cas doesn't know.

“I have work at the diner tomorrow and I’m sure Gabe will let me take some food.” Cas says “With the tips I should get tomorrow I should be able to pick up somethings from the store on the way home.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Dean says as they sit in silence, Cas has half a mind to turn the TV on but then he remembers that the cable company wont be able to show up until later in the week, so for now they have no cable.

“So now what?” Dean says

“We sit in silence and reflect on our life choices.” Castiel says dryly

Dean looks over at Castiel in an attempt to determine if he is serious or not, he's known Cas since their freshman year in college but he still can't tell

“I'm kidding Dean.” Cas says just as mono-toned as last time, “I have a couple DVD's but I-”

“Are they sexy DVD's” Dean interjects, hopeful

“No, wha-, why would they be?” Cas says as he stands to look down at Dean. “And if they were why would I watch them now with you?”

“We could bond over it you know,” Dean says, “We've technically been roommate for 4 years but this will be the first time that we actually get to spend time with each other.”

Dean had a point, when they first got to college they hit it off really well but Dean decided to join a fraternity which meant he was rarely in their dorm. They were still great friends but this really would be their first time actually sharing a space together. Not to mention that if he wanted to watch 'sexy DVD's' with anyone in the world Dean Winchester would most definitely be the one he would want to do it with. Castiel shakes his head before he lets his thoughts go too far.

“We can bond like regular roommates then,” Castiel says as he walks over to his backpack on the floor and comes back with a stack of Adam Sandler movies, “Through bad movies and small talk.”

Dean looks at the stack of movies and chuckles, “Why do you have all of those?”

“Because I believe that maybe one day he will come to his senses and produce something that is halfway decent.” Castiel puts in the movie Grown ups and sits back on the couch, “We should all hope for something impossible.”

“Just don't go holding your breath waiting for it” Dean says as he puts his feet up on the coffee table.

They watch the movie and commentate over every scene, discussing how they would improve each scene had they been the director. When the movie ends they realize that they have laughed more at the comments they have made to each other rather than the jokes in the actual movie. Just as the end credits begin to roll there is a knock at the door and the two look at each other, silently questioning.

“I didn't give Gabriel this address,” Cas says

“I didn't give it to Sam either,” Dean says

“You answer it.” Cas says “You're taller”

“By like 1 inch, that isn't detrimental,” Dean says “You're the older one and you are the adult in this household.”

“I am older by like 7 months and we never determined a designated adult so tech-”

“I know you're in there I saw you go in but didn't see you leave,” a voice behind the door says, “I'll just wait here.”

“Let's answer it together,” Castiel suggests, “Two is better than one.”

They both get up, reluctantly, and make their way towards the door. Castiel opens the door and they see a small man standing with what looks to be a cake of some kind, his hair is disheveled and it looks like he hasn't left the house in days.

“Hi,” The man says awkwardly, “I'm Chuck and I live across the hall.”

“Uh, hi Chuck, I'm Cas and this is Dean” Dean gives a tight wave and even tighter smile

They stand there waiting for Chuck to speak again but he seems oblivious to social cues so Castiel breaks the silence, “Can we help you with something?”

“Oh yes, well not really- I came over to- I wanted to- I-” Chuck stammers before taking a deep breath and starting over, “I wanted to give you this fruit cake and welcome you to the neighborhood.” Chuck extends his arms and presents the saran wrapped cake to Cas but before he can grab it Dean takes it and rushes back inside.

“You'll have to excuse him he's hungry and forgets how to act,” Castiel says, “He is very thankful for the house warming gift and so am I.”

“I had a feeling you'd be hungry,” Chuck says, “I have a lot of feelings...”

“Right...” Cas says, “Anyway thanks again and see you around Chuck” Castiel is closing the door before Chuck speaks again but he hears a soft, “See you” from behind the door.

Castiel turns around and sees Dean sitting on the kitchen counter eating the cake with his bare hands, at this point he has cake all over his face and hands.

“Dean,” Castiel says as if he is preparing to scold a child, “What are you doing?”

“Eating cake” Dean attempts to say with a mouth full of cake, but it just comes out as a garbled mess.

Castiel walks over to Dean and can't deny just how adorable Dean looks like this, what he would give to like that cake right off his face and-.

'No,' Castiel thinks, 'if you are going to be seeing him everyday you need to keep your feelings under control'

Castiel tastes a piece of the cake from the counter and is surprised to realize that it isn't half bad. He looks up at Dean who is still covered in cake, and from this angle Dean looks like a harmless child who just wants to enjoy life for what it has to offer, completely oblivious to the hardships that lie ahead. Looking at Dean Castiel still doesn't see what Gabe told him to watch out for.

He'll just have to wait and see

~~~~

Castiel's shift at the diner is less than eventful. Mainly the regulars come for their regular coffee and donuts but other than that it is pretty empty. Which is why Cas is ecstatic to see Dean walk in around 1:00.

“Hey,” Cas says as he puts away the broom he was sweeping aimlessly with, “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to head home and get something to eat but then I remembered that we have no food,” Dean says, “So I decided that I would grab some food here and remind you to go grocery shopping.”

Dean makes his way over to a booth and seats himself, Cas follows suit.

“Why aren't you at work?”

“Bobby had to leave early, and since there weren’t many appointments he just decided to close for today.”

“So why don’t you just go grocery shopping rather than wait for me to do it?”

“Because I know you'll by the right food whereas I’ll just pick up bags of chips and other crap that will shorten my life expectancy.”

Castiel's coworker Michael walks over with two waters and asks for their orders, Castiel orders a Caesar salad and Dean orders a bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries.

“You can't eat like this for the rest of your life Dean.” Castiel says after Micheal walks away.

“What do you mean?” Dean questions playfully, “I'm 22 years old, I think my body can deal with a little bad cholesterol.”

Cas shakes his head, “Whatever, I'll go grocery shopping after my shift, it ends at 6:00.”  
~~~~  
Castiel ends up leaving the diner around 9:00 rather than 6:00 and doesn't leave the store until 9:45. As Castiel walks down the hall to get to his apartment he runs into Chuck.

“Uh, hi, Cas right?” Chuck says

“Yeah, how are you?”

“Better now since Dean helped me get back inside my apartment.”

“What? How would he do that.”

“He saw me outside the door struggling and offered to help,” Chuck said, “He picked the lock for me and got me inside.”

_Who the hell just knows how to pick locks? I wonder if this is one of the things Gabe was warning me about?_

“Do you mind telling him thanks for me, I ran inside before I did.”

“Yeah sure no problem,” Castiel says as he opens his own door, “See you around Chuck.”

When he gets inside he doesn't see Dean anywhere so he puts the food away and then walks over to his room to see if he is still awake. The door is open slightly and Cas sees that Dean is asleep and from the looks of it it seems he has been asleep for a while. As Castiel turns to leave he hears Dean mumble something, he turns around to look but sees nothing and shakes it off as nothing. But when he turns to leave again he hears a soft, “No, please I promise I’ll be good.” come from Dean's lips.

“Dean?” Castiel whispers as he enters the room. They had just moved in but the room already smelled like Dean and looked like him too, messy but organized.

Dean was asleep on his side facing Cas, as he walked closer Cas could see that Dean's face seemed to be scrunched up in pain as he seemingly winced periodically. Cas can tell he is probably just having a bad dream and almost gets up to leave but Dean starts hyperventilating and kicking furiously as if he is fighting something off.

“Dean” Cas says in an effort to wake him up, “Dean it's just a dream.”

But Dean keeps thrashing and now he's whining, his neck is strained and his eyes are closed shut tightly. Cas wants to help but his voice isn't getting through, then he has an idea.

Castiel sings softly in an attempt to soothe Dean

 _You would not believe your eyes_  
_If ten million fireflies_  
_Lit up the world as I fell asleep_

His breathing begins to slow down and his face and neck relax so Cas keeps going

 _'Cause they fill the open air_  
_And leave teardrops everywhere_  
_You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare_

  
Dean's fists unclench and his feet stop their assault on the invisible assailant

 _I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly_  
_It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_'Cause everything is never as it seems_

  
Dean relaxes completely and Castiel stops singing, he didn't think that would work but it did. He sits down and puts his knees to he chest contemplating what Dean had said,

'No, please I promise I’ll be good.'

“What happened to you Dean Winchester?” Castiel asks quietly, “What happened...”


	2. Thank You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive comments. I didn't think that this story would be so well received.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w)

 

Castiel doesn't sleep that night. Obviously. How could he? Rather than sleep he stays awake and stares at his ceiling, debating whether or not to tell Dean what happened when he wakes. He eventually decides that it is best not to bring it up. If Dean wanted Cas to know he would have told Cas himself, whatever he was dreaming about seemed to scare the life out of him and Cas knows that if he were in Dean's shoes he wouldn’t want to be interrogated on a past that he was obviously trying to forget.

 

If he was going to learn about what happened he would have to be very subtle about it.

 

When Castiel finally decides that it is appropriate to get out of be it is 8:30, he decides to shower and make breakfast. After his shower Cas heads to the kitchen and decides to call Gabriel.

 

The phone rings 3 times before Gabriel answers

 

“Hey Cassie,” Gabe says oddly chirpy for the morning, “What's up?”

 

“Hey Gabe. So I was wondering, do you and Sam want to see our place?” Castiel said hesitantly, “I mean you two are our brothers so you should know where your little siblings are living.”

 

There's silence on the other side and Cas isn't sure what he's thinking, “Gabe?”

 

“Yea, sorry Cassie,” Gabe says, “When would you want us to be there?”

 

“Today.” Cas says too quickly, “I mean if you can, if not we can choose another day.”

 

“No today is fine but Cas,” Gabe says, “Did something happen?”

 

Just as Cas is about to deny it Dean walks out of his room looking well rested and wearing a pair of loose fitting pajama bottoms that hang low on his hips and a tight fitting shirt that compliments his biceps. Castiel looses his train of thought so he has to change his answer quickly.

 

“Uh, I'll call you later, See you tonight around 7:30” Castiel says over Gabriel's objections and hangs up the phone.

 

“Good morning Dean” Castiel says doing his best not to look at Dean's face, “How did you sleep?”

 

“Really well actually, better than usual.” Dean says, “But I woke up with this song about fireflies in my head. Weird right?”

 

“Happens to the best of us.” Cas says as he pours pancake batter into a pan. “So you normally don’t sleep well?”

 

“Nothing to be concerned about” Dean says nonchalantly, “Just have a hard time staying asleep.”

 

_Yeah because you have nightmares that cause you to whine and kick violently in your sleep._

 

“So where are you going at 7:30?” Dean says changing the subject and sitting on a bar stool in front of the counter, so close Cas can smell him. There are no remnants of that lost and broken boy he saw last night, just Dean, strong, confident, and independent.

 

“Cas? You okay?” Dean asks snapping him out of his daze, “You seem really out of it.”

 

“I'm fine,” Cas says, “Just didn't sleep well.”

 

Dean looks over Cas suspiciously but drops it and asks his previous question over again, “Where you going later?”

 

“Actually we are going to be hosting.” Dean's face drops at those words and Cas feels that he should have thought through his plan a little better.

 

“Don't you think _we_ should have talked about this prior to inviting guests?”

 

“Well yeah but I figured it would be okay.” Castiel pushes a pancake to Dean as a form of apology.

 

“Don't bribe me.”

 

“It isn’t a bribe, I just wanted to give you a pancake.”

Dean shakes his head and chuckles, a sweet sound that almost lets Castiel forget about the mystery that is Dean. Almost.

 

Dean finishes the pancake in what seems like 30 seconds and Cas tells him that they are going to have Sam and Gabe over.

 

“Well if Sam is going to be here we need to clean up,” Dean says and Cas looks around taking note of the amount of empty boxes, packing peanuts, and other miscellaneous trash around the apartment.

 

“Well it's a good thing that I'm making breakfast.” Castiel says smiling, “Now we'll have the energy clean.”

 

Dean smiles statistically as Cas finishes breakfast.

 

10 Hours Later 

 

After eating and cleaning up breakfast the two begin to clean the apartment vigorously. They have put artful pieces on their wall, none which Dean actually liked but he knew that Sam would so he'll go along with it for the sake of the night. Dean had previously pointed out that they had no form of entertainment for their guests so they decided to buy a pack of cards from the dollar store down the street so they could give Gabe and Sam the choice of either a bad movie marathon or card games. They have both changed into their most presentable jeans and tees and Castiel has prepared 2 ½ boxes of spaghetti with a matching quantity of meatballs and sauce prior to the arrival of their guests.

 

Gabe and Sam arrive the exactly at 8:30 with Sam holding a bottle of wine and Gabriel holding what looked to be a cherry pie.

 

“Pie!” Is what Dean says as he swoops in taking the thing from Gabriel's hands

 

“Hey!” Gabriel shouts as he pushes his way past Cas and into the apartment.

 

Cas sees his chance and takes it, he hugs Sam and lifts himself up to he ear, “I need to talk to you but don’t tell Dean or Gabe.” he whispers quickly before letting go.

 

“How have you been Sam?” Castiel asks in order to keep up appearances

 

“Fine, I guess” Sam says as if he is processing what Castiel said

 

“Fine?” Gabriel questions joining the conversation. “You just got a huge promotion at your law firm. Now he's like the lawyer of all lawyers.”

 

Sam smiles and makes his way over to his little brother and pats him on the shoulder. “It's good to see you Dean.”

 

“It's only been like a month since I last saw you,” Dean says taking his face away from the pie for a second.

 

“Yeah I know,” Sam retorts, “You could call once in a while.”

 

“Careful what you wish for Sammy,” Gabriel interjects, “Once they start calling you they never stop.”

 

“I do not call you that often,” Castiel protests, “I see you almost everyday because I work in your diner.”

 

“But you do call me for everything.”

 

“I do not.” Cas says almost whining, “I just want to make sure you know whats going on in my life.”

 

“Yeah, okay” Gabe says dropping the subject, “What are we eating.”

 

“Spaghetti and meatballs with the wine you have brought.” Cas says

 

“Then we're having pie for dessert.” Dean interjects excitedly

 

“Glad to see your love for pie is still prevalent Dean,” Sam says in a patronizing voice

 

“My love for pie burns like a thousand suns.” Dean says in the most Shakespearean voice he can muster and the room bursts into laughter. Cas is happy he put this together, because everyone is happy and we all need a little bit of happiness here and there. We all deserve it; some more than others. Looking at Dean laughing he sees true happiness and Castiel is happy that he is the one who made him feel that way.

 

Sam and Gabe decided to watch Adam Sandler movies until about 11:30 when they left. Sam slipped his phone number into Castiel's pocket when they hugged goodbye and wrote call me at 8:00 A.M tomorrow underneath the number.

 

Castiel offers to clean up because he knows Dean will have a busy and early day tomorrow at the auto body shop. When Castiel finishes he goes over to Dean's room and sees the door shut completely this time. He doesn't want to open the door and risk waking Dean up so he waits for something but nothing comes and at 12:15 he goes to his room and actually sleeps in his own bed for the first time.

 

~~~

Castiel is calling Sam at 8:00 exactly the next morning and Sam answers in 1 ring.

 

“Cas?” He answers

 

“Hey Sam,” Cas says breathing a sigh of relief, Dean left the apartment about 5 minutes ago so he knows he is alone.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Sam asks

 

“Uh, I was wondering if you knew about Dean's… um…. Sleeping habits?”

 

“You mean his chronic nightmares”

 

“You know?”

 

“Of course I know Cas, I'm his brother for God's sake,” Sam says sighing heavily, “How do you know about them?”

 

“Oh, well I was going to check in on him the other night and he started kicking and whining in his sleep so I tried to wake him up but it didn't work so I sang to him and he calmed down.” Cas says, “But what really bothers me is what he said before he started kicking and whining.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“No, please I promise I’ll be good.” Cas repeats, “He sounded like a little kid Sam, what happened to him?”

 

“I don't know what his dreams are about because he never told me but they started after our parents died and just got worse after that.” Sam says, “Our parents dies in a car crash when we were kids, I was 10 and Dean was 7. He didn’t feel well at school so they both went to pick him up and got hit by a distracted driver on their way. Dean never stopped blaming himself because he thinks that if he just toughed out his cold our parents would still be here.”

 

“What happened after that?”

 

“We didn't have any other really close family members so we ended up in foster care and bounced around from home to home. Dean always hated the homes and would run away often, by the time he was 13 he practically lived on the streets.” Sam says as Castiel does his best not to imagine a lonely and scared 13 year old Dean alone on the streets, “I would always ask him where he went and what he was doing but he never told me. When I was 18 Dean and I started working so I could go to community college and we could both afford to live somewhere on our own. Once we were on our own Dean started to focus on school more, and he got involved with sports because he wanted to go to college and knew that was the only way he would get in. Even if he didn't have nightmares he still wouldn’t sleep much.” Sam stops talking for a moment and when he starts again it sounds like he is trying to hold himself back. “I know that I'm the big brother but in the end Dean was stronger than I ever could be. He was the one who told me to take my full ride scholarship to Harvard rather than stay there with him and he is also the one who demanded that I keep whatever I make in college. He supported himself for a full year when I was gone and then got into college on an athletic scholarship. Dean and I both made it out of where we were but Dean's demons still haunt him. I wish I could tell you what they were both for your sake and for mine.”

 

Castiel is silent, speech less rather. What could he possibly say to that? He knew Dean's parents were dead and he knew that his childhood was rough but he never imagined,

 

“Cas?” Sam says startling Castiel out of his thoughts

 

“Yea, I'm still here.”

 

“I'll tell you one thing about Dean that you probably already know.” Sam says in a different voice, more resonant, stricter, “Dean is very prideful and does not want your pity. I always figured that’s why he left the homes so often, he couldn’t stand the way they looked at him. If you tell him that you know about this or anything that I just told you he'll probably leave.”

 

“Well then what do I do.” Cas says, Dean leaving is the last thing that he wants.

 

“Keep doing what your doing and make sure he takes care of himself, he likes you,” Sam says making Castiel's heart flutter, “You are his best friend and he trusts you, he'll tell you eventually but if you bring it up he'll feel like he's being cornered and lash out. Saying and doing things he doesn’t mean.” Sam says, as if he's remembering something, “He's done it before and I’m sure he'll do it again.”

 

Castiel can't imagine Dean, his Dean, doing anything like that; He hasn't even seen Dean angry before.

 

“Thanks Sam,” Castiel says, “This really helped.”

 

“I'm happy it did. I'm also happy that you are there with him,” Sam says, “When we would share a room there was nothing I could do but watch, I am happy that he is actually sleeping now because of you. Thank you Cas.”

 

“Your welcome Sam.” Castiel says as he hangs up the phone.

 

He sits on the floor of is bedroom doing his best not to cry, but the tears come anyway, he can't help but to picture Dean alone and scared doing God knows what out on the streets. Dean, his Dean, was alone in the world and Cas didn't want him to feel that way anymore. He wants Dean to let him in, wants him to let Cas help him. In a way Castiel figured that's what he was doing but he wanted Dean to let him in personally, verbally.

 

Castiel doesn’t know how long he sits there but he falls asleep with Dean on his mind.

 

~~~

That night when Dean falls asleep Cas waits out side his door again. He hears Dean cry out and heads inside. He kneels by the bed and tentatively reaches out to pet Dean's hair.

 

_We'll do it all_

_Everything_

_On our own_

 

Dean begins to breath at a steadier pace and his face begins to relax.

 

_We don't need_

_Anything_

_Or anyone_

 

Dean's fists unclench and his feet stop moving.

 

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

  

Dean relaxes into Castiel's touch and Castiel watches as Dean's lips open slightly

  

Castiel stops singing and pulls his hand away. He looks at Dean and sees the opposite of what he walked in on. This Dean is peaceful and happy, this was his Dean, the Dean Castiel always wants him to be.

 

As he leaves he hears Dean mutter, “Thank you.” At first he is concerned that he had woken Dean but when he turns to check Dean is still resting peacefully.

 

“You're welcome.” Castiel whispers to himself, knowing Dean will never know about any of this. And he isn't sure how long he wants to keep it this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when ill be able to update again because of exams this week but i'll do my best. Dont forget to tell me what you think in the comments!
> 
> See you later! :-)


	3. Not going anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of Castiel's wildest dreams come true and then some....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back. I know I've been gone a while but I'm here now with a new chapter, I am hoping to have the next one up for next week Saturday (but don't quote me on that). I think you guys will like his chapter, at least I hope you do, I put a lot of effort into it.

Castiel wakes to the smell of bacon and eggs, he is exhausted from his inability to sleep the past few nights and would really rather stay in bed rather than get up for breakfast but when he tries to roll over and go back to sleep he stomach protests the idea with a loud growl. Castiel responds with a growl of his own and reluctantly pulls himself from the warm bed. Castiel grumbles to himself as he walks out of his room and into the kitchen and when he lays eyes on Dean, eyes focused on what he's doing and pajama bottoms that looked like they were only being held up but the grace of the universe, he thinks that his stomach did have such a bad idea after all.

 

“Good Morning Dean.” Castiel says, in a better mood than when he woke up but still not happy to be out of bed. Dean looks up and smiles at Cas, maybe he even steals a glance at Castiel's body but it happened so quick Cas can't be sure.

 

“Hey there sleeping beauty,” Dean says returning his focus to the food in the pan, “I thought you'd never wake up, what time did you go to bed?”

 

_5:30 A.M_

 

“I'm not sure maybe around 12-ish” Castiel lies.

 

“That's when I went to bed.”

 

_Actually you didn’t fall asleep until 12:45 and your nightmares didn’t kick in until about 2:30._

 

“Guess you're just a morning person.”

 

“Yeah right. Me? A morning person.” Dean says while trying to keep in a laugh, “You sure you're not still asleep because I find it hard to believe that you would even suggest that.”

 

“Well it's 8:37 and here you are up and about.” Castiel says, “Looks like a morning person to me.”

 

“Oh please, how often do I do this?” He asks, “I am only doing this today because this is the first week day you and I both have off. I am being nice.”

 

Dean hands Castiel a plate with toast, eggs, and bacon on it. He sits down next to Cas with his own plate a moment later.

 

“You're always nice Dean.” Cas says as he begins to eat his food

 

“I'm nice to you,” Dean says eating at a much faster pace than Cas, “But only because I like you.” There is an edge to Dean's voice, like he wants his words to mean something more than what they do, but Cas decides it is best for both of them if he doesn’t read into it.

 

They finish their breakfast, and after arguing over who has to was the dishes, make their way to the couch. Dean said that he arranged for the cable guy to come sometime this week but for the moment they were still out of anything but Castiel's stash of Adam Sandler movies.

 

“Do you want to watch the cobbler?” Castiel asks, going through the pile of movies they haven’t watched yet. “It is one of my least favorites just so you know.”

 

“Well in that case of course.” Dean responds gleefully, like a small child would really, with a toothy smile to match. “Anything to irritate you.”

 

Cas rolls his eyes, puts the DVD in and sits down on the couch next to Dean. They are doing they're best to share a blanket, that really is meant for one, when Dean says,

 

“Cas we can't share this blanket if you are on the other side of the couch. You are going to have to move closer.”

 

Cas doesn't argue and moves over willingly, the blanket still wasn't fitting over both of their bodies well and Cas thought Dean would drop it and continue watching the movie but instead he puts his legs behind Castiel on the couch and pulls Castiel down against his chest. He places his arm across Castiel's mid-section and Cas can't believe this is happening.

 

“Is this okay for you?” Dean asks, jarring Cas out of his thoughts

 

“Yeah, I-I'm fine.” Castiel manages to stutter out

 

Dean chuckles and Castiel feels it in his back, vibrating throughout his body.

When the movie finishes neither of them make any attempt to move, too comfortable in their position. Dean's arm had moved to Castiel's waist and it had grown tighter as well. Castiel finds himself closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment, relishing in what it felt like to be held by someone, someone you loved.

 

Cas felt something touch his lower back and immediately assumes that it is Dean's cell phone until he remembers; Dean's pajama bottoms don't have pockets.

 

Castiel turns his body to face Dean and he looks into his hooded and lustful eyes and knows, he just knows.

 

“Dean-” Castiel attempts to say before Dean pulls him in for a kiss, just lips at first, slow and sweet. Dean is pulling Cas as close to himself as he possible can and moans when Cas opens up his mouth for him. Dean uses his tongue to explore the inside of Castiel's mouth, like he is making a map for future visits, and it feels extraordinary. The two pull away when it is necessary for them to breath.

 

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” Dean says as he huffs and puffs

 

“From the looks of it,” Castiel says, “Probably as long as I have.”

 

Dean laughs and then leans down to kiss Cas again. He then trails down Castiel's jawline, neck, and then his clavicle. Dean dips his tongue into the hollow at the base of Castiel's neck and begins to suck a mark to the surrounding bone. Castiel moans and throws his head back to give Dean better access.

 

“If we are going to do _this”_ Dean says, with his head still nuzzled in the crook of Castiel's neck, “We might want to move to a bed.”

 

Castiel is about to begin arguing but then he feels himself slowly slipping off of the edge of the couch, so he begins to move but Dean stops him.

 

“Not like that.” Dean says as he sits them both upright and places Castiel in his lap. Dean kisses Castiel again and Dean begins to make an effort to move off of the couch while carrying Cas. Castiel wants to protest but Dean is already up and moving to his own bedroom.

 

When they are inside, Dean places Cas on the bed while taking Castiel's shirt, Dean stands back and just stares for a moment.

 

“So beautiful.” He mutters before practically pouncing on Castiel. Dean's kisses after that are no longer slow and sweet, they are fast and hungry, just on the right side of painful. Dean pulls away and continues his path down Castiel's neck and this time continues down Castiel's chest. Nipping at both of Castiel's nipples before moving down the remainder of Castiel's body. When he reaches the waistband of Castiel's pants he looks up at Cas, as if asking for silent permission, and Cas nod furiously; the smile that crosses Dean's face can only be described as sinister. He pulls the pants down, freeing Castiel's erection, and Dean wastes no time taking Castiel's length into his mouth. Cas involuntarily bucks up into Dean's mouth, causing Dean to gag but not falter, and Cas balls the sheets around him into his fists.

 

Dean's mouth feels so warm and soft around Castiel's cock he doesn't know how he survived this long without knowing what this feeling was.

 

“Can you grab the lube and condoms from the nightstand?” Dean asks before returning his mouth to Castiel's cock. Cas finds it difficult to do basic things, like open drawers, when Dean is down there doing what he's doing, but he manages to do it anyway, he throws the condom and lube down to the end of the bed where Dean is.

 

Dean takes the lube and slicks three fingers on one hand, he slips down Castiel's crack and Cas shivers at the contact. Dean takes his mouth off of Castiel's cock and replaces it with his hand, he starts a slow rhythm that drives Cas insane. Dean presses one finger into into Cas slowly and the stretch feels amazing, this wasn't his first time doing this but it has been long enough. Cas pushes himself down on Dean's finger and moans as it barely reaches his prostate.

 

“More,” Cas moans, “Dean, please.”

 

Dean presses his second finger to Castiel's hole and pushes in slowly, fitting his prostate as he bottoms out. Dean begins to pump his fingers in and out, slowly at first but then gradually faster, hitting Castiel's prostate each time. Dean begins to pump Castiel's cock to the same speed and Cas is so close he can barely contain himself. Dean leans over Cas and whispers in his ear, “What do you want?”

 

“I'm going to cum.” Castiel replies breathlessly.

 

“I didn't ask what you were going to do,” Dean says as he slows both hands, Castiel groans and throws his head back in frustration, “I asked. What do you want.”

 

“I want you inside me.” Castiel says looking into Deans lust darkened eyes, and sees them soften a little as Dean smiles.

 

“Ask and ye shall receive.” Dean says mockingly and Cas chuckles. Dean removes his pants and places the condom on his member. Dean lines himself up with Castiel's hole and looks down at him.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Dean asks and Castiel is about to nod when he remembers what Sam said; ' _If you tell him that you know about this or anything that I just told you he'll probably leave.'_

 

Cas felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he realizes than he didn't tell Dean earlier. Now when he finds out he will be even more upset, Cas doesn't want Dean to leave, that is the last thing Cas wants. Cas is panicking and Dean sees it so Dean leans down to kiss Cas but Cas turns his head, not wanting to take advantage anymore.

 

“Cas,” Dean says into his ear, “I know what you did, I'm not going anywhere.”

 

“Bu- How, how did-” Castiel stammers out and Dean kisses him then, slow and sweet, reassuring him that everything is okay.

 

“All that matters is that I know and it's okay Cas.” Dean says, “It's okay because it's the reason why I love you.”

 

“You- You love me?” Castiel says still stuttering from disbelief

 

“Yes I do.” Dean says, “I can show you how much if you would stop freaking out and let us finish what we started.”

 

“Oh God, yes!” Cas exclaims

 

Dean chuckles again and lines himself up again, “Ready?”

 

Cas nods and Dean pushes in slowly, and Castiel's eyes flutter close. When Dean bottoms out he leans over and whispers into Castiel's ear, “More?”

 

Cas nods and Dean pulls out almost all the way and then pushes back in, a little faster this time

 

“More?” Dean asks again and this time Cas nods quicker so Dean begins to thrust in and out at a steady rhythm, hitting that spot in Cas each time. Dean's thrusts are powerful and the only thing Cas can process is the sound of Dean's thighs hitting his ass. Dean snakes a hand down to Castiel's cock and begins to pump it to the same rhythm as his thrusts and Cas cums in a matter of moments, spreading white streaks over both of their stomachs. Dean cums soon after, he pulls out and then falls next to him on the bed. They were both breathing heavily and Dean has a huge smile on his face.

 

“What are you giddy about.” Castiel ask as he turns his face towards Dean's

 

“You really don't know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Dean responds before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Dean returns with a wet cloth to clean them both up.

 

“I love you Cas.” Dean says when he is done wiping up

 

“I love you too Dean,” Castiel kisses Dean, just lips against lips, slow and sweet.

 

“Are you in the mood for some pie?” Dean asks randomly, “Because I could really go for some pie right now.”

 

Cas laughs and nods his head, “I could go for slice or two as well. Lets get dressed and head over to the diner.” Castiel normally didn't like going to the diner on his days off but Gabe really did have the best pie in this town.

~~~

After the finish getting dressed they head out the door and make their way down the stairs. When they get to the last flight Dean misjudges his step and tumbles down to the bottom. Castiel begins to laugh, like any best friend would, but stops when he doesn't see Dean move at the bottom. Castiel rushes to his side.

 

“Dean!” He exclaims, “Dean are you okay?” but there is no response. Cas looks at his face but everything looks all wrong, his eyes are glossy and empty, not a hint of life behind them. “Dean please wake up.” Cas yells again, but there was still no response. Cas reaches into his pocket for his phone but it's not there, he must have left it upstairs. Cas begins to cry as he takes Dean's lifeless body into his arms as he rocks back and forth repeating the phrase, “You said you weren't going anywhere.”

 

Dean P.O.V

 

Dean has never slept so well in his life and he never really understood why sleep was so appealing to people until now. He really doesn't understand why the nightmares have subsided but he's decided not to look into it; it is always best not to question a good thing. He is ready to go to work, he has showered and is all dressed in his uniform for Bobby's shop.

 

Just as he is about to leave he hears a noise come from Castiel's room but can't make it out. Dean walks towards the door and listens. All he can make out now is a soft sniffling noise like someone is crying.

 

“Cas?” Dean says through the door but the sniffling continues and there is no answer.

 

“Cas!?” Dean says a little louder but nothing changes. Dean opens the door and finds his friend lying on his side in bed, crying. It looks like he is still asleep though and Dean doesn’t know what to do; Does he let Cas ride out the nightmare or wake him up and tell him it isn't real. Dean thinks about what he would want and then acts on it.

 

“Cas!” Dean yells while shaking his friend, “Cas it isn't real you have to wake up.” Dean continues shaking until Castiel's eyes pop open, the deep blue of his eyes look lost, in a way he has never seen before.

 

“Cas, are you okay?” Dean asks and Cas just continues to stare at him, like there is something wrong. Dean is about to ask the question again but then Cas is wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.

 

“I thought you were dead.” Castiel mutters into Dean's shoulder, “I thought I lost you.”

 

“Shh,” Dean says, “It's okay I’m here. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

Castiel holds onto Dean tighter then, like a frightened child does, and Dean just holds him the way he knows he needs to be… The way he wanted to be held so many times before. Those nights when he woke up alone with the nightmares still fresh in his head.

 

This is how he should have been treated and this was how he planned on treating Cas because Cas was better than him, Cas doesn't deserve to suffer through this alone like he had to… No one does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Be sure to leave a comment, reading them makes my day, and kudos if you liked it.  
> See you next week! (hopefully)  
> Adios Amigos 
> 
> -Muffinlover246


	4. No Sunshine without Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and the horrible, no good, very bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey muffins,   
> I posted on the day I said I would (I'm so proud of me :-D)
> 
> Anyway here's another chapter.

“Dean I'm fine.” Castiel says for what feels like the 15th time.

“You're not fine Cas,” Dean says, “I just comforted you through a nightmare that had you in tears. That is the opposite of fine.”

_I've done the same for you, only difference is you don't know anything about it._

“Dean please just go to work.” Cas says pleading, Dean was already late but he didn't look like he planned on leaving until he heard what he wanted to hear. Castiel walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. He hoped a closed door would stop Dean's efforts.

“I can call in sick for you and we can talk this out. It's not good to keep stuff like that bottled up inside of you.” Dean says through the door.

_You would know wouldn't you?_

“I can't call out sick Dean that would just look suspicious and only make Gabe come up here to check on me.” Cas says, “Which would in turn lead to more visits from Sam.”

“Well then you choose.” Dean says and Castiel can imagine him crossing his arms, “Either you talk about it now and I get to work late or you promise to me right now that we will talk about this tonight when we are both home.”

Cas didn't want to promise that he'd talk about it tonight but he knew Dean wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer so he took the easy way out in order to avoid his problems for a few more hours. Castiel opens the bathroom door slightly, just enough for his face to fit.

“See you tonight Dean.” Castiel says, defeated, “I promise.”

Then he closed the door.

~~~

“You look like shit.” Micheal says to Castiel when he walks in for his shift around 12:00. There is the usual mid day rush and Castiel is in no mood for it, Micheal, or his bullshit. He just barely got Dean to leave him alone before he left for work and now that he's here he doesn't want to regret the fact that he rejected Dean's offer to call in sick for him.

“Bite me.” Castiel says through gritted teeth. He never liked Micheal but it looked like Gabriel did, it's Gabriel's place so he doesn't really get say in the matter.

“Wow, you look like shit and your snippy.” Micheal says smugly, “How lucky are we?”

“Micheal please,” Castiel whines, “Can we not do this today.”

“Do what?” Micheal says as he fakes innocence, “I am simply showing concern for my coworker.”

“Please, Micheal, I am going to say this the nicest way I possible can.” Castiel says, “Fuck. off.”

Just as the words leave his mouth he sees Micheal's face light up with a sinister smile, and he isn’t sure why until Gabriel's voice is booming around him.

“Castiel!” Gabriel yells, “My office. Now.” Gabriel turns and walks away and it takes every ounce of patience in his being to not punch Micheal in the face right there. In the office, Gabriel sits in his massive chair behind the desk and Castiel sits in the seat in front of it; Castiel can't help feeling like he has just been called into the principal's office.

“Look,” Castiel says breaking the silence, “I'm sorry for losing my temper at Micheal, the guy is-”

“I know how Micheal is. To be honest I can't stand the guy either” Gabriel says, “That isn't why you're here.”

“Why am I here?” Castiel asks confused.

“My boyfriend isn't talking to me.”  
  
“How is that my fault?”

“It is your fault, dear brother,” Gabriel says, “Because he stopped talking to me the morning after we went to your apartment. The apartment that you share with his little brother.”

“I'm still not following how your relationship issues are my problem.” Castiel says, doing his best not to look guilty. He knew Sam wouldn't tell Gabriel what was happening but he didn't anticipate it having a visible effect on him.

“The last time I saw my boyfriend like this was when he told me about his childhood, their childhood.” Gabriel's eyes are angry and Cas has never seen him like this before, “I don't know what's happening with you and Dean and honestly I don’t even care but you need to fix it. Put Dean back together the way you found him, and leave him alone. I told you from the beginning that living with him wasn't a good idea but you went and did it anyway.” Gabriel says, minding the volume of his voice, “Whatever you do to Dean affects Sam. I don't want to lose Sam, so you need to be very careful.”

“I am being careful Gabe.” Cas says with an even tone, “I just needed to talk to Sam, I-”

“No, Cas! You have spoken to Sam enough.” Gabriel interrupts, “Don't speak to Sam unless whatever you did to Dean is fixed.”

“How do you know that what I am doing isn't helping Dean?”

“I don't care if you think it's helping or not! I have never seen Sam this nervous about his little brother before, he's constantly on edge, like he's waiting for a phone call or a text saying something bad happened.” Gabe says visibly torn, “Don't let that phone call or text become a reality.” Gabe says, his voice is lower now barely audible, “If something happens to Dean, Sam won't be able to deal with it and I won't be able to put him back together… no one would.”

Castiel doesn't know how to respond to his brother, he's sorry that he hurt their relationship but he really didn't see any of this coming. He was so focused on Dean's happiness that he neglected the happiness of those around him, himself included. He knows he should fix this but he has no idea how to; he feels hopeless, like there’s nothing else he can do to help anyone he's effected.

“Look Gabe I-”

“Get back to work Cas.” Gabriel says cutting him off, done with hearing what he has to say.

Cas doesn't put up a fight and simply leaves the office, puts on his best family friendly smile and starts his shift.

~~~

The crowd has since died down and it is 5:00 when Cas takes his lunch break. He gets a salad from the kitchen and sits in a booth near the back of the diner. Castiel is grateful for the near silence of the diner, with the exception of plates clattering in the kitchen and small talk happening among some of the diners, he feels that he just needs a few quiet minutes to himself to get the ladder part of his day back on the right track.

“Hiya Clarence,” Meg says as she slides her way into the other side of Castiel's booth, “How's it goin'”

_Why did the universe mock his very existence?_

“Meg.” Castiel says, too exhausted to put up a fight, “Why are you sitting here?”

“Can't two old friends enjoy a meal together?”

“I would hardly call us friends.” Castiel says continuing to eat his salad. They met their senior year in high school because of a group project in their English class. Meg didn't do any of the work but Castiel didn't mind doing the entire project on his own. When it came time to present Cas gave her a few note cards telling her all about her part of the project about 5 minutes before class started and she spoke about it like she did it herself. He learned then that she was quick on her feet and much smarter than she let on.

After the presentation Meg gave him his very own fake ID, he didn't think he'd need it at the time but it did come in handy later on, as retribution for the work he did on her behalf. From that moment on they decided that whenever Cas did something for Meg she would owe him a favor afterward, anything within reason of course. Currently they were even with each other, the last favor Cas had called in was when he asked Meg to buy and send take-out when was starving and broke in college. She made good on her favor and sent over more food than he could eat, forcing him to share with the rest of his floor.

Meg frequented the diner often but they didn't speak to each other on a daily basis and even when she came in they would simply share their pleasantries and carry on with their days. Meg wanting to have a conversation now was odd to Cas but he was truly too done with his day to care.

“You don't have some paper due tomorrow morning or something like that right?” Castiel says, “Because unless you want a (C-) I'd advise you look else where.”

“No Clarence,” Meg as she repetitively snaps her fingers over where Micheal is standing, playing on his phone, “I simply don't see why I should sit alone when you are sitting here in an open booth.”

“Hello ladies,” Micheal says when he reaches their table and Castiel does his best not to jab his fork into him. “What could I get you this evening?”

“I'll have the usual; Bacon cheeseburger with extra onions, chili cheese fries, and a coke.”

Micheal writes down Meg's order and then looks over at Castiel expectantly.

Don't let him get to you Cas. Be the bigger man dammit.

“Nothing for me thanks,” Castiel says in an overly polite tone.

“I see,” Micheal says turning away to leave, “Gotta watch your girlish figure for your man candy at home.”

Cas clenches onto his fork so tight he thinks he bends it slightly. He is half-way through his salad but he knows that he can't eat anymore so he pushes it aside, leans back in the booth and closes his eyes, letting out a sigh. He almost forgets Meg is there until she speaks again, “So who's the man candy?”

“He's not my man candy.” Castiel says not moving from his position, “And even if he was that's none of your business.” He clips his voice but he doesn't mean to. Meg doesn't seem phased by it though and just keeps pressing.

“I bet he's cute,” She continues, “Has to be. You wouldn't take him any other way.”

“Meg please sto-”

“Unless you were desperate but you don't look very desperate to me.”

“Meg I-”

“You look more wrecked than anything. Let me guess there's trouble in paradise.”

“Paradise isn't real.” Castiel says flatly, “You can't live your life without a few rough patches. There can be no sunshine without rain.”  
  
“That's the bullshit people say to themselves in the mirror when they realize their lives are going nowhere.” Meg says, “Paradise exists you just need to do what you want to do and stop letting society and other factors rule your life.”

Cas looks at Meg then, he squints his eyes at he making sure that the person sitting across from him is the same lazy 12th grader he met in high school. “Who are you and What have you done with Meg Masters?” Cas jokes, the first joke he's made since yesterday. Or was it the day before that? God, he can't even tell anymore.

“I'm just being honest,” Meg says, “You look like you needed to hear the truth, not that bullshit school counselors tell their kids.”

“Thanks Meg,” Cas says, “You're right.”

“When am I not?”

“I have many examples with dates and witnesses.”

“And if you share any of those examples I’ll be sure that's the last thing you do.”

The two of them laugh after that, Meg's threats were something to be afraid of even though she stood at about 5'4 if you pissed her off she was definitely a force to be reckoned with. Her threats towards Cas were always playful however, with no bad intentions behind her words at all.

Micheal comes back with Meg's food and for some reason doesn't poke any more fun at Cas, something he is silently grateful for.

~~~

“Meg,” Cas says as Meg finishes up her food, it was a mystery to him how she was able to eat more than he could ever dream of eating on a regular day, “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot sweet cakes” She responds licking her fingers cleaning

“Would you rather be lied to because the person thought they were protecting you? Or have someone be honest with you.”

“Honesty is the best policy Clarence. The only person who knows what's good for me is me” She says, “Someone else shouldn't try to do what's 'best for me' because they don't really know me and who I really am.”

Meg was right and it got him thinking about things. Along with what Gabe told him about Sam, Cas feels like now is the best time to tell Dean what's been going on. In retrospect they have only been living together for about a week now and if Dean really gets upset neither of them have an emotional attachment to the place and can easily go their separate ways if need be. That was the last thing Cas wanted but if that's what it came down to he would have suck it up and move on.

“I'm sure you'll do the right thing Cas.” Meg says, patting his hand slightly “You always were a softie.”

She gets up from the booth and makes her way towards the door without leaving money to pay for her food.

“Meg you didn-” Cas starts

“I owe you one.” She calls out, “See you later Clarence.” And with that she's gone, leaving Castiel alone with his thoughts.

Castiel was going to come clean tonight, it was time and Cas didn't have the right to determine what was best for Dean. Only Dean could.

~~~

  
Cas gets stuck with closing the diner so he doesn’t get home until 9:15. He expects to see Dean waiting for him, much like a parent waits for their child who breaks curfew, but when he walks into the apartment Dean is nowhere to be seen.

“Dean.” He calls out, but there is no answer.

Castiel walks over to Dean's room but the door is wide open. Not in there either.

He looks just in case but the room is as empty as he expected it to be. He is about to turn and leave when he decides to walk inside, he didn't necessarily get a chance to see the inside of Dean's room when he was there before.

Cas looks around and sees a collection of old Rock CD's on the ground, a laundry basket that looked too full for the days they've been here, and a desk with papers scattered about. He walks towards the desk and looks at the papers, most of it looks like junk; telephone bills and so forth but Cas looks a little deeper and finds what looks to be a sketch pad underneath the junk. Cas pulls it out and is amazed at what he finds.

It looks like Dean has drawn detailed pictures of the people in his life; Sam, Gabe, someone he didn't recognize, probably his boss Bobby, and hell, even Chuck was there.

_Where was his?_

“I only have the finished copies in there.” Dean says from behind him, startling Castiel out of his thoughts. He drops the pad quickly and does his best to assume a “normal” stance.

“What?”

“My sketch pad.” Dean points out, not moving from his place in the doorway. “Only the finished copies are in that one. That's why you're not in it.”

“It's fine,” Cas says relaxing against the desk behind him, “You don't need to draw me.”

“It isn't that I don't want to.” Dean says, “I just can't get it to look right.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever I do draw you it just looks funny,” Dean says, “Why are you in here?”

“No reason,” Cas says making his way towards the door, “Just-”

“Snooping.” Dean finishes for him

“I wasn't snooping.” Castiel says, “I was looking for you and then just let myself in because the door was open.”

Dean looks down at him, much like how a parent does to a child. Dean sighs and moves out of Castiel's way letting him walk out of the room. Dean closes the door behind him and walks into the living room where he sits on the couch.   
Castiel makes an effort to walk straight to his room but then he hears Dean clear his throat.

“Where do you think you're going?” He says

“To bed.” Cas says, playing dumb

“Not yet,” Dean said, “You made me a promise.”

Castiel sighed, turned around and sat on the other end of the couch. They both sat there like that for a few minutes, Dean was waiting for Cas to say something, obviously, but Cas had no idea what to say,

 _I_ _had a dream where we had sex, you said that it was okay that I knew about your nightmares, and then you fell down a flight of stairs and died._ Cas didn't think that Dean wanted to hear that.

“What do you want me to say?” Castiel asks

“What did you dream about.” Dean says with his legs crossed, he's taking on this therapist role very easily.

“You.” Cas says, he looks at Dean's face and doesn't see his expression change so he continues, “You died and I didn't get to say the things that I wanted to.”

“What did you want to say to me?” Dean asks

“That you were my best friend and-” Castiel chokes, he can't tell Dean. He feels like he is going to break him and that is the last thing he wants. Dean is the best friend he has ever had and he doesn't want to lose him over this, he doesn’t want to lose him at all. Cas puts his head in his hands and lets out a big sigh.

“Look Cas, I know this may be uncomfortable but if you don't let it out now chances are you'll have the same dream again tonight.” Dean says patiently, he wasn't forcing Cas directly but Cas knew he wasn't leaving until he finished his sentence.

“O-okay,” Cas says, letting out a shaky breath.

_**Here goes ~~nothing~~ everything. ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think? Be sure to comment below and let me know.  
> I am hoping to have the next chapter up soon but who knows when it'll be up ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> Anyway, Have a great day and be kind to each other!
> 
> -Muffinlover246


	5. In No time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Castiel telling the truth...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter was a real tear-jerker but maybe I'm just getting soft.  
> Whether you tear up or not I hope you enjoy this chapter. :-)

Castiel sat there still hoping that maybe Dean would get fed up and drop the entire subject but he could see that there was little to nothing that could make Dean change his mind now. Leaving him no choice other than just saying it.

“I wanted to tell you that I sing to you in your sleep.” Cas says quickly.

Dean's facial expression hasn't changed and Cas doesn't know what he is thinking.

“Why?” Is all Dean says in response. Cas feels that Dean knows why but he wants Castiel's confirmation. So that's what he gives him.

“Because of your nightmares.” Then Dean's face changes completely. His mouth becomes a hard line and his eyes look like they are holding back something. Whether it is tears or anger Cas doesn't know.

“Dean look I-”

“How long?” Dean asks, obviously not wanting to hear Castiel's explanation. Dean has his head in his hands now and is rubbing at his eyes as if he is trying to rub away a memory.

“The day after we moved in...”

“Every night?” Dean says, still not looking up at Cas.

“Dean just listen to me, I-”

“Was it every night or not Cas?!” Dean all but shouts at him. He takes his head out of his hands and Cas can see the tears brimming but Dean looks more furious than he does sad. “Just answer my question.”

“It was basically every night.” Cas mumbles, “Sometimes you didn't have any.”

Dean throws his head back on the couch and takes in a deep breath. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Why didn't you just wake me up?” Dean asks, calmer now.

“I tried Dean, I did.” Cas says, “But nothing worked, nothing but my voice I guess.”

“I guess you didn't try hard enough.” Dean mumbles as he gets off the couch, making his way towards his room.

“Dean wait!” Castiel says and Dean stops but he doesn't turn around, “I'm sorry that I didn't wake you up and I'm sorry that I let myself into your room without your permission but i-”

“That's why you think I'm upset!?” Dean says turning around but not stepping any closer, “‘cause you were in my room without me knowing? Hell Cas, I don't even care that you know about the nightmares, come to think of it, it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Castiel doesn’t know how to respond, Sam had said that Dean didn’t want anyone knowing about his nightmares so he just assumed that was the reason Dean was so upset. He doesn’t know what it could be if he isn't upset about that.

Dean waits for Cas to speak and takes a deep breath when he realizes that he isn’t going to, “I have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember, so much so that it is almost like a second reality to me. I have learned how to deal with my demons and how to accept that they will never go away. But you made me believe that they did.” Dean says, the anger in his face has subsided and now he just looks torn, “You made me believe that some deity somewhere had realized that I have been through enough shit in my life; and that I deserved some form of rest. Some form of happiness. But that isn’t true.”

“Dean I’m sorry,” Cas says, “I should have told you earlier.”

“Yeah Cas you really should have,” Dean says, “But it is too late for that now. You gave me hope only to take it away.”

“Dean, I didn’t know-”

“Of course you didn't know Cas! How could you possibly know?!” Dean shouts this time, then he begins to laugh, it sounds more cynical than it does amused, “The funny thing is if you had just asked me about it the day after, rather than bringing our brothers over, I probably would have talked to you about because I trusted you Cas. You are my best friend.”

It's just like Gabriel said, Cas didn't know what was best for Dean and by him trying to help he only made things worse. Cas felt awful and he just wanted a way to fix it.  
“What can I do Dean?” Castiel asks, hopeful.

“There is nothing left for you to do Cas.” Dean says, then Dean leaves towards his room and Cas doesn't stop him this time.

 

Dean P.O.V

Dean closes the door behind him and leans up against it. He didn't expect Cas to say that, and he never would have guessed that Cas wouldn't tell him something like that. If the situations were reversed he feels that that would have been the first thing he did. At least he hopes so.

Dean yawned and remembered how tired he was.

Maybe Cas’ singing had some long term effects, he thought. Dean locked the door behind him.

Dean lies down on the bed, not bothering to change out of his clothes, and falls asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's back. Back where it all started. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time he'll be able to stop it.

Dean was in a bed, the top bunk above Sam, when the door opens. He pretends to be asleep like he always does, hoping this time he'll fall for it.

“Time to be daddy's good little boy.” Mr. Roman whispered, but Dean doesn't move “I know you're awake so be a good little boy and come here.”

Dean reached out to him the way he knew he wanted him to. Mr. Roman picked him up, even though Mr. Roman knew Dean couldn't stand it, and took him out of the room.

They were in the basement now. Dean didn't want to be here: he needed to stand up for himself- himself and Sammy.

“Come here Dean,” Mr. Roman called from his seat on the couch, but Dean stood still. This was his chance, he could stand up for himself and protect Sammy.

“Dean you know I don't like repeating myself.” Mr. Roman said, “Come. Here.”

“No.” Dean says, with as much defiance as he can, “I. Don’t. Want. To.”

Mr. Roman looked at him from where he was sitting with a smile on his face that made Dean's spine shiver. Mr. Roman gets up and begins to say, “Well if you don't want to listen I know a good little boy upstairs who will.”

‘No, this isn't how this is supposed to go,’ Dean thought.

The only reason he's been going through this for so long was because of Sam and the fact that he couldn't let anything happen to him. ‘Always take care of your brother Dean.’ his mom always told him.

Dean sighed, he was doing this for Sammy. Only for Sammy.

“No please don't!” Dean said after Mr. Roman as he was halfway up the staircase. He stops and turns around.

“Please what?” Mr. Roman says.

“Please don't, Daddy.” Dean says, the words feel wrong in his mouth but he forces them out anyway.

Mr. Roman walks over to Dean and picks him up. “Are you going to do what I say or are you going to disobey me again?”

“I'll be good.” Dean says apathetically

“I know little boy who would say that to me much nicer.” Mr. Roman says as he begins to move them both toward the stairs.

“No, please I promise I'll be good.” Dean says in a hurry, wanting to stop Mr. Roman's movements.

“Now that's a good boy Dean.” Mr. Roman coos as he pets Dean's hair, Dean wants to pull away but knows that will get him into more trouble, so he doesn't.

“But you've been a very bad boy,” Mr. Roman says as he puts Dean down, “And you know what happens to bad boys, right?”

Dean knew all too well what was going to happen now.

“They get punished Daddy.” Dean says as he walks over to the couch and bends over the arm of it. Dean hears Mr. Roman take of his belt and focuses on not being here. He thinks of the times not long ago when he and Sam would play in their backyard. They would chase each other endlessly with their mother and father watching in the window.

Dean’s pants are now around his ankles and now the damp basement air is the only soothing caress Dean feels as his legs begin to tremble.

Dean goes to this happy place in his mind whenever he is somewhere he doesn’t want to be. He feels he is in this place more than reality. When the first blow lands on his bare skin it takes everything Dean has to not scream, not wanting to give the man behind him the satisfaction.

“Come on baby boy,” Mr. Roman whispers in his ear, breath foul with the stench of cigarettes and cheap whiskey, “Daddy wants to hear you scream.”

And so when the next blow hits, he does. Not because he wants to, but because this is the only way he can keep Sammy safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean wakes to a start in his bed and is covered in sweat, his throat is raw and his heart is beating rapidly. Dean is sitting up in the bed when he glances over at the clock next to him that reads, 12:15 A.M.

“Back to square one.” Dean grumbles as he throws his feet over the side of the bed, “There was never any point in trying anyway.”

Dean gets up and picks up the sketch book Cas was messing with earlier. He is happy that he came in before Cas could get to the back of the book; where the pages are filled will dark black lines to etch the face of the man who made him this way. He has just recently drawn others, since he was actually able to focus on other things, but now he can't do that again. Not with that face imprinted on the forefront of his mind. The smells, the sounds, that voice, were all still fresh in Dean's mind. Dean opens the drawer to the desk, picks up a pencil, and starts to draw.

3 Hours Later

Dean was driving with a destination in mind. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he was just taking a ride to “clear his head.” Dean thinks over the nights past events as the wheels of his Chevy Impala eat away to the asphalt.  
Dean had waited patiently for Cas to tell him what was wrong. He knew that if he pushed it would only make Cas not want to tell him. He hated when people did it to him so why would he do it to Cas? He imagined that Cas was going to tell him that he had a crush on Dean or something, that he could deal with, but the words that came out of Castiel's mouth left Dean spinning.

Dean was still spinning. Spiraling down into a pit of despair he new all to well. He doesn’t want to go through this again: he wants the pain, the memories, the thoughts, to end. He wants… Peace. He deserves peace. He was forced to bear this cross and wants the weight of it off his shoulders. Even if it means Dean meets his own demise along the way.

Castiel P.O.V

Castiel wakes to an empty apartment around 9:00 and from what he can see Dean hasn't packed up and left yet, so that was a good sign. Castiel picked up he phone to try calling him but then remembers that Dean never answers the phone when he's working (let alone when he's pissed.)

Castiel had hoped that they would be able to laugh off last nights events but that obviously isn’t going to happen now. The thought was always improbable but Castiel was always one for improbabilities. Castiel can't eat anything so he decides to watch another Adam Sandler movie.

Around an hour into the movie Gabriel calls Cas and Castiel thinks he may have read his schedule wrong.

“Cas.” Gabe says when he answers

“Hey, Gabe.” Castiel asks, he's making his way towards the door ready to rush out if he needs to. “Was I supposed to be at work before 12:00?”

“No, your shift starts at 12:00.” Gabe says calming Castiel's nerves, “Do you know where Dean is?” Then Castiel's blood runs ice cold. Why would he know? Should he know? Isn't he at work? Is something wrong? Oh God….

“He wasn't here when I woke up.” Castiel says, “I'm pretty sure he's at work.”

“Well if he was do you think I’d be calling you about him?” Gabriel's words are short and precise and Castiel is happy he can't see his brother's face right now. “Dean's boss called Sam this morning to ask where he was. Sam didn't know so he started calling some other people and I. Called. You.”

“Well his stuff is still here so he hasn't packed up and left.” Castiel says, he's panicking now but he does he best to keep it to himself. “Maybe he just wanted to space.”

“Space from you?” Gabriel accuses, “I told to be careful Cas but you didn't listen and now look at what's happening.”

“Gabriel I'm sure he's fine.”

“Bullshit Cas. I can hear the tremor in your voice. That shows me that you are worried about what he's doing because you did something to make his 'want some space.' Now his Sam is losing his mind looking for him because Dean only runs when his problems are to much to handle.” Gabriel says.

“Gabe I’m sure he just needed som-”

“What. Did. You. Do.” His words are short and sound like they are coming from behind clenched teeth.

Castiel sighs, “I tried to do what you told me to do. 'Put Dean back together the way you found him, and leave him alone.' I told Dean the truth. That's what you said to do. Obviously it didn't work.”

“I also told you not to live with him. Had you listen to my first piece of advice none of this would have happened.”

“How was I supposed to know this would happen Gabe!”

“I didn't know this would happen either, but because of your mistake we both might just lose two people we care about the most.” Gabriel's voice has turned somber and he sounds like his is holding back tears. “Don't come to work today. You better find Dean and fix this.”

Before Cas can say anything Gabe hangs up. He doesn't know what he'll tell Sam but, he is happy he doesn't have to do it since he did the one thing Sam warned him not to do.

Cas sits on the floor with his head I his hands. How the hell am I going to find Dean? He picks up his phone and dials Dean phone number, only to get his voice mail. He tries again and again but it continues to go to voice mail. So, Cas calls the only person he knows can help him.

“Hello Clarence. How ar-” Meg answers

“I need a big favor Meg.” Cas says, cutting Meg off, “Like really big.”

“I'm listening.” She says.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In two hours Meg was in the apartment with a red-headed friend named, cherry, no- Charlotte, honestly Cas couldn't remember he was too busy losing his mind when Meg introduced her.

Cas gave Char-whateverhernamewas, Dean number so she could use it to track his phone.

“There is no guarantee that this will work,” She said as she gets set on one of the kitchen islands, “But I’ll do my best to find him.”

“Thank You.” Cas says as he turns to face Meg so he could ask, “Where did you get her?”

“You're not my only friend Clarence.” She says

“Well I don't care where she came from I'm just happy she's here.” Cas says, “I really messed up Meg.”

“It's okay Cas.” Meg says as she places a hand on his shoulder, “We'll help you fix it. We all make mistakes.”

“Thanks Meg.”

“Guys, I found something.” the red-head said as she waved them over to her computer screen, “I'm not sure why he's out here but he seems to be on the side of the road about 15 miles out of town.”

“15 miles out of town?!” Castiel repeats, in shock, “That's like 3 towns over”

“Actually it's 4,” Meg says matter-of-factually. Cas shoots her a glare and she says, “It's just a fact Clarence.”

“Can you show me where he is?” Castiel asks

“There aren't any traffic cameras in the area but no one travels this road that often.” Charlie says, “It's just abandoned houses and unfinished construction jobs over there.”

What the fuck was Dean doing out there?

Castiel takes down the address and then turns to Meg.

“I need your-” Castiel starts but Meg is already handing him the keys to her car.

“Take it.” She says, “Just bring your man candy home safely.”

Castiel smiles at her, quickly thanks the red-head, and bolts out the door.

_“I may be the last person you want to see,” Cas thinks to himself, “But I am all you've got Dean.”_

** 25 minutes later (11:45 A.M) **

Castiel is driving down the lonely dirt road when he sees smoke rising in the distance.

“Shit.” Cas curses before he floors it. As he gets closer Cas can better make out the Chevy impala on the side of the road. Cas pulls over about 15 feet away from Dean's car and approaches cautiously. The entire right side of Dean's car looks like it was taken off by a near by tree. The paint is nearly gone and the side mirror is completely gone. Cas walks around to the driver side of the car and screams at what he finds. Dean is slumped over the steering wheel with a gash along the side of his head and Castiel can't tell if he is breathing or not. Castiel puts his hand to Dean's neck but can't feel a pulse, but he doesn't know if he is doing it right either and his hands are shaking so much he doesn't know how useful they are to him at all.

He pulls out his phone to call 9-1-1, but once again his hands are shaking so much it proves difficult to do but when he dials the number the operator answers on the second ring.

“911 what is your emergency.” A female voice said

“My friend he,” Cas stammers out, “He was in an accident and I don't know how long he's been here.”  
“Okay, What type of accident is it?” The voice asked

“A car accident, oh my God.” Castiel says, “Is he dead? He can't be dead.”

“Sir, paramedics are on their way so I am going to have to ask you to try to calm down.”

“Calm down?” Cas says, “How could I calm down when my best friend is bleeding in his car on the side of the road. How can I calm down when he died hating me...”

“Sir I am sure he doesn't hate you,”

“How would you know?” Castiel spits unintentionally but the voice doesn't seem phased

“Because, you went there for him. Hate is a two way street.” The voice says, “If you truly believed he hated you, you wouldn’t have bothered to go and save him. Because you care I am sure cares too.”

Cas wasn't sure if he believed the operators words but he what she was trying to do and he'd be lying if he said it didn't help. They sit in silence then and wait, Castiel would hang up but he doesn't want to be alone and somehow the operator knows so she just sits in silence with Cas.

After a few moments Castiel hears the sirens approaching and signals the ambulance to where they are. Cas hangs up the phone after saying a quick 'thank you' to the operator and prays that the paramedics to declare him dead right here, right now.

** An hour and a half later; Bluebell memorial Hospital(1:15 P.M) **

“Castiel.” A doctor says as he enters the waiting room where Cas is sitting with other families. Cas has called Sam and Gabe and they are already on their way over from where Sam's job. He jumps up at the sound of his name and nearly rushes the doctor.

“Yes,” Cas says, “Is he okay, please tell me he is okay.”

“He is alive. If you didn't find him when you did there is no way he would have survived out there” The doctor says, “He can work towards being 'okay' in the next few months.”

“What. What does that mean?”

“Come with me.” The doctor says as he escorts him out of the waiting room. They stop outside what Cas believes is Dean's room. “We ran multiple blood tests on Mr. Winchester and he had an excessive amount of Imipramine in his system, do you know if he usually takes this medication?”

“I've never seen him take any medication. But Dean does enjoy his privacy so he could have taken it without me knowing.”

“Well it is an anti-depressant that can sometimes help with insomnia or night-terrors,” The doctor says, “He took these before he started driving and I believe that's why he crashed.”

“So this was some sort of attempt on his life?” Castiel asks

“We can't know that for sure until he wakes up but that is what it looks like as of right now.” The doctor says, “We have him chained to the bed with a soft restraint in case he tries it again and no one is in the room with him.”

“Can I see him?” Castiel asks

“Sure,” He says as he opens the door.

Dean is laying there in the bed with a bandage wrapped around his head for the gash Cas saw the restraint the doctor mentioned before on Dean's right wrist. Dean looked peaceful, without an ounce of pain etched on his face. He looked fast asleep, but Cas still worried.

“Wait, Doctor.” Castiel said as the man began to leave, “Can he still dream?”

The doctor gave him a confused look so he decided to rephrase his question, “In this state of consciousness, can Dean still have dreams?”

“I suppose so,” The doctor says, “There is no way of knowing for sure, because every person is different, but I believe he could if he wanted to.”

Cas nods and the doctor leaves, knowing that that wasn't the response Cas was looking for.

Cas pulls a chair up next to Dean's bed and takes his hand into his own. It felt strange because Dean wasn't holding his hand back, it was just sitting there limp; it reminded Cas of the dream he had where Dean died.

“You're not dead Dean” Cas says as he shakes the thought out of his head, “You can't leave me like this. We need you. Sam needs you, Bobby needs you, I need you Dean. You can't leave us like this.”

He doesn't get a response but then again he wasn't expecting one, it would be idiotic of him to expect a response. And yet he is still saddened by the silence of the room, so he does the only thing he can think of… He sings.

_Where's your heart gone_  
_And where's your soul?_  
_Where did all of your faith go?_  
_And where's that old spark, a failure stole?_  
_Well I bet we'll find it in no time at all._

It starts off as a simple hum to himself but before he knows it he is singing out loud.

_Where’s your nerve gone_  
_And where’s your hope?_  
_And where’s that sunrise you’ve been waiting for?_  
_And where’s that one day you got it all?_  
_Well I bet we’ll find it in no time at all_

_When the wars start falling on the world you had_  
_Just hold tight, in no time we can get it back_  
_When the skies come crashing on the world you had_  
_Just hold tight, in no time we can get it back._

“Okay, Dean?” Castiel says, “We can get through this. Together.” He squeezes Dean's hand to emphasize his words. He is about to get up and call Gabriel when he feels Dean squeeze his hand back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? I spent the longest on this chapter by far. I think this story will be coming to a close in the next 2 chapters for sure. it makes me sad thinking bout having to let these characters go though... oh well all good things must come to an end.  
> Anyway be sure to comment what you thought about it and how you hope it will end.
> 
> Hope you have an awesome day! :-)


	6. A happy ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Tells Cas what happened as well as some other things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back guys! I know it's been a long time but I have finally done it. There is going to be one last chapter after this and I just want to thank you all for your comments and kudos, they really made my day!
> 
> Anyway, on with the story

“Dean?” Castiel said hopefully, “Dean if you can hear me squeeze my hand again.”

And Dean does. He squeezes Castiel's hand tighter, almost so tight it causes pain. Castiel rubs the back of his hand tenderly, with small soothing circles, as if to let Dean know that he isn't going anywhere.

Dean attempts to lift his other hand but is stopped by the restraint, he pulls on it repetitively and Cas fears he'll hurt himself even more.

“Shh, Dean it's okay.” Castiel says as he runs a hand over Dean's collar bone and shoulder, “It is just there as a safety precaution. Just in case...” Castiel immediately regrets letting the last three words slip once he sees Dean's eyebrows furrow in confusion. He attempts to get up but Dean holds on to his hand.

“What?...” Dean's voice is hoarse and barely audible. He could easily act like he didn't hear what Dean said and leave to find a doctor. But he doesn’t, because he can't.

“They think you did this to yourself.” Cas says, “That's there just in case you woke up without anyone... to stop you, from-”

Dean starts to shake his head, “No”

“I know Dean it's okay,” Castiel starts to say, not wanting to upset Dean

“You have to let them know I didn't mean to do this.” Dean says, “It's probably best it turned out this way though.”

“Dean?” Cas says, waiting for Dean to look in his direction “What were you doing?”

“I just wanted everything to stop.” Dean says, sounding defeated, “I was just trying to fix things. I stopped taking my medication and when I did I threw away the bottle because I thought I would never need them again.” Dean looks away from Cas and Cas feels a pang of guilt in his stomach, “After we had the argument I tried to sleep. Just to see if I could but I couldn't. So I left to get more pills.”

“I'm so sorry Dean I-”

“It isn't your fault Cas.” Dean says gripping Castiel's hand again, “I know how those pills are. I shouldn't have taken them before driving home but I just couldn't bear it anymore. I couldn't get the image out of my head and I just wanted to- to just stop it all.”

Cas can't help but feel like he did this. Can't help but feel like he reduced Dean to this. He had, has no right to do this to Dean. Dean deserves better and Cas simply isn’t it.

“I'm going to get a doctor.” Cas says as he begins to get up from his seat but Dean grabs on to him.

“Don't leave me Cas.” Dean says, “Don't leave me like they all did.”

Dean starts to cry then, soft tears hitting his pillow as Dean did he best to hold them back. Cas ran a hand against Dean's cheek and rubbed a thumb against his cheek bone. “I'll be here as long as you want me.” Cas says, taking his seat again.

“I never want you to leave.” Dean says, “You are the first person who I feel like opening up to about-” Dean takes a deep, trembling breath before continuing and says, “about, what happened.”

“Shh, Dean you don't have-”

“Cas please.” Dean says, tears still rolling furiously down his cheeks, “I have to do this. I've never even told Sam. I need someone to know.”

Cas just nods and listens, still holding on to Dean's hand, rubbing circles with his thumb.

“Sam and I were foster kids for a while. Sam, being the people person that he is, always seemed to get along with the families but I was always more of a trouble maker. Most of the homes would send us back due to my behavior and one day I realized that Sam really wanted a stable home and while I couldn't care less I cared about him so I promised myself to never get us kicked out of a home again. That's when we moved in with the Roman's. They seemed nice enough Mr. Roman had a wife and a daughter. From the outside we looked like the perfect family. White picket fence and all.” Dean was staring off into nothing as he remembered the details of the part of his life he was trying so desperately to forget. “I 10 when he started abusing me. He would come into the room that I shared with Sam and take me into the basement where he-”

Dean's tears fell quicker now as he wailed along with them, Cas put his hand on his shoulder and said, “Dean you really don't hav-”

“I can do this, okay.” Dean says through the tears, “I just- it's really hard talking about something you've suppressed for years.”

Cas just nods and lets Dean take his time.

“He used to hit me, repetitively, just for fun. And I just took it because I didn't want to force Sam to have to leave. Sam really liked this family and if I made he leave I was afraid he would never forgive me for it. So I grinned and bared and whenever Mr. Roman called for me I went. When ever Sam asked how I got a bruise or why I was walking funny I just said I slipped during recess or walked into a door. I never told him what really happened because I don't what him to think about what he could have done in the moment. I did this to myself by not putting a stop to it. It is all-”

“Don't you dare say that.” Cas growled, “It is not your fault that your foster father was a pedophile. You did what you thought was right by protecting the only family you had left. Dean look at me.” Cas said as he waited for Dean to turn his head and look at him. “None of this was your fault. Both you and Sam have persevered in spite of what happened to you. You are a brave man Dean Winchester. And you are my best friend.”

“I love you too Cas.” Dean says as he leans in and presses his lips against Castiel's. The kiss was soft and tender, just the pressing of lips against lips and nothing else. Cas brought both his hands up to cradle Dean's face as he pulled away. “I love you too Dean.”

Dean smiles for the first time since he's been in this room and Cas can't help but smile too. Dean's eyes then drift to something behind Cas and his smile slowly fades.

“How long have you been standing there?” Dean asks, and Cas turns around to see Sam standing in front of the door with puffy red eyes.

“Long enough Dean.” Sam says, making his way into the room, “How have you been walking around with this since we were kids?”

“I did it for you Sam,” Dean says, “I didn't want you to have to deal with this. We both made it out of the system and you made a name for yourself as a lawyer. Telling you this would only drag you down. I never wanted that for you.”

“But what about you Dean? You've been dragging yourself down this whole time. Night after night, pill after pill. What about you?”

“It's okay Sam,” Dean says, looking over at Cas and gripping his hand tighter, “I'm not alone anymore.”

Dean smiles at Cas and Cas just smiles back.

“Well I’m happy for you, for you both.” Sam says, “Cas, do you mind if I speak to Dean alone? Gabe is outside in the waiting room.”

“Sure. Take your time.” Cas says as he pats the back of Dean's hand and gets up.

When Cas gets into the waiting room he sees Gabe with his head in his hands. He walks up and touches his shoulder.

“Gabe?” Cas says, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Gabe says, “How is Dean?”

“He's better now,” Cas says, “He got some things off of his chest and I think we are headed in a good direction.”

“That's good.” Gabe says, “Look, Cassie I want to apologize for snapping at you these past few days. I've just been stressed about Dean and concerned about Sam. But it still isn't an excuse to treat you the way I did. So if there is anyway I could make this up to you-”

“Its okay Gabe, I understand why you did what you did, so it's okay.” Cas says, “Everything worked out just fine. Do you want to go and see him?”

“Yeah sure.”

Back in the hospital room Cas returns to his seat next to Dean while Gabe and Sam sit on the other side of the bed. Dean has a pending DUI charge but Sam says he thinks he can pulls some stings to get him out of that, so that isn't a concern to anyone. The doctor has since taken the restraints off of his wrists and has informed them that Dean should be able to leave the hospital after a psychiatric evaluation and an a few days of observation. Before they know it they are all cracking jokes and the room was filled with laughter.

Dean was happy, genuinely happy, and Cas is glad that he was here to help him get to this place. When night comes Sam and Gabe leave, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the room.

“Cas,” Dean says as he begins to doze off, “It's kind of cold in here.”

“Oh,” Cas says getting up out of his chair, “I can get you a blanket if you want.”

“No.” Dean says, “It would be easier of you got up here with me.”

“Dean that bed is barely big enough for you alone.”

“Just try.” Dean pleas, “For me.”

So Cas does, Dean moves on to his side giving Cas as much space as he possibly can. Cas curls up against Dean's back and plants a kiss to the back of Dean's neck.

“Get some sleep now Dean.”

“Sing to me?”

“Of course.”

Cas runs his hands up and down Dean's side as he began to sing.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_   
_When you get what you want but not what you need_   
_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_   
_Stuck in reverse_

_When the tears come streaming down your face_   
_When you lose something you can't replace_   
_When you love someone but it goes to waste_   
_Could it be worse?_

Dean pulls Cas closer to him and wraps Castiel's arm around his waist.

_Lights will guide you home_   
_And ignite your bones_   
_And I will try to fix you_

_High up above or down below_   
_When you're too in love to let it go_   
_If you never try you'll never know_   
_Just what you're worth_

Cas brings his arm up to cradle Dean's chest and places another kiss to Dean's neck

_Lights will guide you home_   
_And ignite your bones_   
_And I will try to fix you_

“Thank you Cas.” Dean says, “For everything.”

“No need to thank me.” Cas says, “That's what roommates are for.”

Dean chuckles at that and holds on to Castiel's arm as they both drift off to sleep. 


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast forward to Dean and Castiel's life 5 years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end folks. Thanks again for all of the support throughout this story, I don't know if i would have been able to finish it without you guys.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my epilogue filled with fluff and smut

** 5 Years later **

“Claire I swear if you aren't down here in the next 20 seconds you won't see the outside of this house for the next week.” Dean shouts upstairs

“Calm down Dad I'm right here.” Claire says coming down the stairs

Dean hands Claire her lunch in a brown paper bag and kisses her forehead.

“Eww gross dad I’m in 7th grade. I'm not a baby.” Claire squeals as she runs out to catch the approaching schools bus

“Ben!” Dean calls, “I am not driving you to school again.”

“Coming!” He says as he grabs the lunch bag and runs behind his sister.

Dean watches them get on the bus from the doorway and heads back inside once they pull away. Dean heads upstairs to find Cas still in bed, probably wishing he didn't have to go to work.

“Cas,” Dean says, “You have to get up.”

“No I don't.”

“You have work.” Dean moves to the side of the bed where Cas is trying to act like he's asleep

“No I don’t. I called in sick.” Cas fake coughs for extra emphasis, “I think I may be coming down with something.

“So I assume you want me to take care of you all day.”

“That would certainly be nice husband of mine.” Cas takes his hand out from under the covers and pulls Dean in for a kiss, “Come back to bed.”

“I really shouldn't, there is laundry to be done an-” Dean begins to say before Cas practically rolls him into bed with him.

“You work too hard.” Cas says straddling Dean's hips, “I think it's time you relax a little.”

Cas leans down and places a kiss to Dean's lips and when Dean slides his tongue against Castiel's bottom lip he opens up immediately.

“You are a horrible influence,” Dean says in between kisses.

“And you love it.” Cas retorts as he brings his mouth down Dean's neck, licking and biting as he goes.  
Dean moans and runs fingers through Castiel's hair, pulling slightly.

Cas continues to move downwards biting and teasing Dean's nipples before moving down to Dean's hipbone to suck a mark.

“Fuck, Cas.” Dean moans as Cas licks over the newly bruised skin

Cas, takes Dean's pajama pants and pulls them down so his erection springs free. Cas licks one slow stripe up Dean's length Causing Dean to moan thrust. Cas takes Dean's cock into his mouth and all the way down to the root all in one swipe. Dean puts his hand in Castiel's hair and pulls causing Cas to moan low in his throat, sending the vibrations throughout Dean's body.

Cas comes back up and licks the head of Dean's cock the way he knows will drive him insane. Cas licks and sucks until Dean just can't take it anymore.

“Cas please,” Dean begs, “Wanna be inside you.”

Cas lets Dean's cock fall out of his mouth as he crawls up Dean's body and places a chaste kiss to Dean's lips. It's anything but gentle and just what the both needed.

Cas lines up Dean's cock with his entrance, still loose from the prior nights festivities, and slowly sinks down on it. Dean moans wildly as he bottoms out in Cas. Dean reaches down and grabs Castiel's hips stilling him as Dean begins to thrust upwards into him, hitting that sweet spot inside him every time. Cas lowers his head to Dean's neck and nips at the soft skin there.

“Fuck, Dean I am going to cum.” Cas whines as Dean continues to thrust into him at a steady pace

“Do it baby,” Dean moans, “Cum for me.”

And just like that Cas is squirting white hot streaks of cum over both of them. Dean cums soon after thrusting deep into Cas before spilling his load.

“I think you should call in sick everyday.” Dean huffs after a while, “Because that was just amazing.”

“I wish I could stay home with you and the kids everyday but someone has to keep this roof over out heads”

Cas started working at Sam's new law firm as a paralegal and Dean works at the auto-body shop on a part-time basis. They adopted Claire and Ben about a year after they got married and haven't looked back on their life since.

“Besides Claire will be off to college soon and we will need all the money we can get.” Cas continues

“Oh, please Cas, the girl is in 7th grade. That's a long way from college.”

“It'll be here before you know it.” Cas says as he gets up from the bed and heads to the bathroom to find a cloth to clean up with. After they clean up Cas crawls back into bed and curl up next to Dean.

“Stay with me?” Cas says snuggling close, “You're just so warm.”

“I'm not going anywhere sweetheart.” Dean says, kissing the top of Castiel's head, “Wouldn't dream of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who has read this story. It truly means a lot to me and I hope you give my other stories a try too.
> 
> Anyway, Ta-ta my little muffins, until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think?
> 
> Be sure to leave a comment and kudos if you liked it.
> 
> See you later.


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